Q&A Sunday: Self-Sabotaging Love

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I'm not sure if there is a way to answer this question with feng shui, but it's worth a try! I am a single woman hoping to find lasting romance. I've done most of the suggested feng shui adjustments to welcome love into my life, and I find that I have no problem finding interested men, but I seem to self-sabotage with my anxiety. For the past year, I've noticed a pattern of becoming paranoid and distrustful of men I'm involved with, and that almost always leads to me pushing them away or running them off. Is there a feng shui adjustment that can help with this?

April S., Philadelphia, PA

Hi April,

Thank you for your question. I think there are probably a lot of people who feel the same way you do, so I’m glad you asked the question. It does sound like you have a good idea of what your personal issues are, that they revolve around anxiety and trust. This is definitely the toughest thing when it comes to love — being vulnerable. 

When clients approach me about love and relationships, I ask a series of questions that can best help me to determine what feng shui adjustments would be the most appropriate. You already answered some of these. Are you meeting people? Yes. Are you meeting people that you’re interested in and that are interested in you? Sounds like a yes. But is it really? It is also possible that you have not met anyone who is worthy of your trust as well. That you are simply not meeting the right people. But from your words, it sounds like the main issue is that you fear being vulnerable. 

The Career/Path in Life area of the feng shui bagua map is related to fear and water. There is a fear of opening your heart and being hurt. But if we never risk anything and stay safe, then there is no chance for love. Also, there’s also the importance of seeing the situation clearly, rather than what our conditioning colors. The first thing that comes to mind for clarity is for you to clean your windows. The windows symbolize your eyes. If you can’t see the reality of the situation, it’s easy to remain closed off, and you may miss opportunities. Once you can see things as they truly are, then you can trust your experience and know what to accept and what to reject. And then there is less fear.

The second part is related to Knowledge and Self-Cultivation. There is more you can do there. Work on the anxiety and trust issues. Where do they come from, and are they still useful? Feng shui is by no means a substitution for good mental health. So take care of yourself and ask for help. I used to also have a lot of anxiety, and meditation has really helped me. I also have mentors, teachers and community all around me to support me on this path. A simple exercise of writing an affirmation 27 times each day for 27 days while sitting in the center of your bed can activate the Health area, which impacts the entire bagua on your bed. I’m thinking something along the lines of “I am ready to open my heart and be vulnerable.” You can take the affirmations from each page, tuck them into a sealed red envelope and place them in the Relationship area of your bed (top right), under the mattress. 

Thank you for being willing to share and asking for insight on this. Remember that the mundane is just as important as the metaphysical, so please take care of yourself and take time for wellness. When you work with this and the suggested adjustments, you may find your heart opening to new experiences and opportunities.

by Anjie Cho


If you’d like to learn more about feng shui check out the Mindful Design feng shui cerfication program. Laura Morris and I launched our program in September 2018. Check us out at www.mindfuldesignschool.com

Mindful Design is a new way to learn feng shui. Our a unique training program takes an holistic approach to learning the art of feng shui design. Mindful design is about becoming aware, and attentive, to the energy around you: both inner and outer qi. It is about promoting a better way of living and creating sacred spaces that support, and nourish.


Thanks for reading our "Q&A Sunday".  We will be answering questions submitted by our readers. Click here to submit any Feng Shui or Green Design questions!


Q&A Sunday: What Should I Put on the Wall by My Bed to Attract Love?

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What should I put on that wall by my bed? And I wouldn’t mind working on my love life!

Stephen, Brooklyn, NY

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for your question and the cute floor plan! Love the colors! Sometimes people are surprised to hear that even the execution of the floor plan can give me some content for the person’s Feng Shui.

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I’m not surprised you’d like to focus on love, because pink tones are associated with the Relationship area, and the grey is related to Completion and Joy. Maybe you’d like some more joy in your love life? And maybe some things need to end to make room for new love. I laid the feng shui bagua map on your bedroom plan, and two things stick out. The bed is the first.

The bed would ideally be rotated so the headboard along the wall that says “10 ft”. This puts you in the commanding position. But from your dimensions I see that you might not have enough room. If you can, I would advise it. If you can’t, the ideal thing to place on the wall next to the bed would be a mirror. It’s always a good idea to have space available on both sides of the bed. Even just a few inches will help. In regards to relationships, when you have that bed up next to the wall, there’s no space for a partner to come into your life. It’s important to have a space that is equal (or in your case, as big as you can make it), to attract an equal and balanced partner into your life. 

As far as what to put up on the wall in the bedroom, as I mentioned before, a mirror would be best if you can’t change the orientation of your bed. By placing a mirror on the side of the bed that’s up next to the wall, you can energetically and visually create that space. And since your bed is not in command, you can also place a mirror somewhere in the room so that you can see the door reflected in it when you’re in bed. By having the back of your head facing the entry, you’re not in command. This puts you at a disadvantage in many ways…one of which is that you may not be able to truly see all the possibilities for love clearly.

The second thing I noticed was that in your Relationship area you have your hamper! Yes, I know the hamper has to go somewhere, but maybe if you’re looking for a partnership, it’s better in a different bagua area! It may imply that you have old stinky laundry that’s keeping you from finding a partner! If it must be in that area, just be mindful to do your laundry regularly and not let it pile up. But if possible, best to move it anywhere else for now.

Finally, the last suggestion circles back to the colors pink and peach. In BTB feng shui, we have something called “peach blossom luck” which helps you to attract a partner. You can paint one or all of your walls pink or peach. But even pink or peach linens or pillows or other accessories will work. Find a large canvas at the art store and paint it a lovely shade of peach. It’s even effective to wear pink and peach.

Let us know how it goes! 

by Anjie Cho


If you’d like to learn more about feng shui check out the Mindful Design feng shui cerfication program. Laura Morris and I launched our program in September 2018. Check us out at www.mindfuldesignschool.com

Mindful Design is a new way to learn feng shui. Our a unique training program takes an holistic approach to learning the art of feng shui design. Mindful design is about becoming aware, and attentive, to the energy around you: both inner and outer qi. It is about promoting a better way of living and creating sacred spaces that support, and nourish.


Thanks for reading our "Q&A Sunday".  We will be answering questions submitted by our readers. Click here to submit any Feng Shui or Green Design questions!


Q&A Sunday: Mirrors in the Bedroom

Is it bad feng shui to put a mirror in the bedroom?

Angela M., Los Angeles, CA

Hi Angela,

I often am asked this question about mirrors in the bedroom. In BTB Feng Shui, we believe that there are no issues with having mirrors in the bedroom. In fact, we recommend mirrors in two situations. 

The first situation is if you cannot put your bed in the commanding position, located in such a way that you can clearly see the door while not being in line with the door. If this is not achievable in your bedroom, you can adjust this with the use of a mirror. I often recommend that my clients purchase a new standing mirror and position it so that when you are lying in bed, you can clearly see the door in the mirror.  The command position is absolutely critical in the bedroom because this is where you spend many YIN, or passive, time and you are more susceptible to the energies around you.  

In BTB Feng Shui, we also suggest a round or oval mirror above the bed for couples like in the photo above. The round shape symbolizes unity and wholeness within the relationship. The couple can see their reflection together within this circular shape, without any hard or sharp corners. This adjustment promotes continuity and togetherness in a relationship. Since this is above the headboard, be sure to fasten anything that goes above your head securely for safety. I would also recommend checking out our post on feng shui and headboards.

Note: There are other schools of feng shui that teach that mirrors add too much energy in the bedroom, or that mirrors should not face the bed. In BTB Feng Shui we respect and honor all other schools of feng shui. In fact, I agree that it may be startling to see your reflection while in bed in the middle of the night. If you use mirrors in the two ways I've suggested above, you can't see your own reflection while laying in bed. Remember, the goal is to create a relaxing and conscious environment that supports you and your needs.

by Anjie Cho


Thanks for reading our "Q&A Sunday".  We will be answering questions submitted by our readers. Click here to submit any Feng Shui or Green Design questions!


Q&A Sunday: Feng Shui for Love?

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A friend of mine is not having any success in finding love and has been down about it lately. Is there any Feng Shui that can help her?

Kristina O., New York City, NY

I’m sorry to hear about your friend, and it’s kind of you to ask for her. Feng shui can definitely help with finding love, but I need to know more about the situation. Based on my intuition about this given situation, and as a general suggestion, take a look at KUN which is the Relationship area of the feng shui bagua map. Then look diagonally across from it, you will find GEN which represents KNOWLEDGE, specifically self-cultivation. The first suggestion I would make is that if she works on improving the GEN/self-cultivation area, it indirectly improves KUN/relationships. This is actually more effective than going directly to KUN/relationships.  

Feng shui is not a magic pill, but it can help improve areas like love, relationships, and “feeling down." It requires some work! My suggestion in this case is to work on self-cultivation by placing a feng shui crystal in the GEN/Knowledge area of her home to enhance, clarify and focus self-love and self-care. 

In addition the what I’ve mentioned above, there are some other basic feng shui adjustments your friend can do in her bedroom. I was actually single when I started learning about Feng Shui, and it absolutely helped me to bag my husband! The first thing I did was make sure I had open space on both sides of my bed. It’s also important to have a nightstand and lamp on each side, if she has the room.  This tells the universe that she’s ready to create some space for an equal partner to come into her life.  

Good luck to your friend!

by Anjie Cho


Thanks for reading our "Q&A Sunday".  We will be answering questions submitted by our readers. Click here to submit any Feng Shui or Green Design questions!

Note:  To locate the KNOWLEDGE or RELATIONSHIPS areas of your home, please refer to the Feng Shui Bagua Map here.  New blog post to come soon discussing the Feng Shui Bagua Map!


Feng Shui and Mother's Day

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Mother’s Day is an annually and widely celebrated holiday in America and in other countries as well, but few of us know when or why we began this celebration.

Though ancient Greeks and Romans celebrated their “mother goddesses” with festivals and parties, and European Catholics celebrated “Mothering Sunday,” a specific Sunday during Lent dedicated to “mother churches,” the American version of Mother’s Day originated in the 1900’s as the brainchild of Anna Jarvis. Anna created Mother’s Day in tribute to her deceased mother and as a way to praise the act of motherhood in general.

Originally, Mother’s Day was an intimate celebration between a family with no gifts or monetary focus. Individuals simply visited their mothers or church in honor of all that moms do. After Mother’s Day was added to the official holiday calendar at Anna’s insistence, Mother’s Day gradually picked up the traditions of gifting and celebration we observe today.

So where does feng shui fit into Mother’s Day? There's actually an area of the feng shui bagua map that's related to the mother. This area is related to relationships, partnerships, the mother, marriage, the color pink, the number two, square and flat shapes, and the element of yin earth. This area is probably the second most popular because it can also activate attracting a primary relationship.  

BUT you can also use the Relationship area to honor, call upon, or heal the relationship with your mother. The element of earth is associated with nourishment and support – just like “mother earth”. To honor or call upon the energy of your mother on Mother’s day in the style of feng shui, you could place something with positive memories of your mother in the Relationship area of your desk or bedroom. If you want to heal the connection, you could place a plant in the same area to represent growth and change for your relationship.

Either way, be sure to recognize the nourishment and support that your mother has provided today! Happy Mother’s Day!

by Anjie Cho


De-Stress Your Relationship

Valentine’s Day is an opportune time to look at your primary romantic relationship. No matter how well it’s going, all relationships can use some support. Feng shui gives us some practical and magical tools to give your relationship some extra support. And if you’re not in a relationship, these tips still apply!

1. A headboard for support

A stable headboard that is securely attached to the bed represents solid support and stability in a relationship. The best type of headboard has no bars, holes or perforations. The bars may indicate feeling imprisoned or caged! Holes or perforations lack stability and may weaken a relationship. If you already have a headboard, just make sure to tighten it to the bed. The headboard should be securely and mechanically fastened to the bed (rather than attached to the wall, or almost falling off). If you don’t have a relationship, the headboard will help you to attract a relationship that has enough support to last!

2. Equal partners

Be sure to maintain equality in the relationship by having equal space on both sides of the bed. If possible, each person should have at least 18” of space between the wall and the side of the bed. You also want to have equally balanced nightstands with lamps. The nightstands need not be matching, but close in size. I had a client whose husband had a huge nightstand, and she had this tiny little thing. Such a situation may manifest itself in an unbalanced power relationship between the couple. If you’re single, this lets the universe know that you have space available to accommodate someone into your life.

3. Pair of rose quartz

Rose quartz is a natural semi-precious gemstone that assists in opening up our heart to receive and give love. Place two similarly sized pieces of this natural stone on your nightstand to symbolize and attract supportive openness between you and your partner. If you are looking for a romantic relationship, the rose quartz can support self-love and healing so that you can attract the best partner.

4. Clean under the bed

Whether you’re single or have a partner, the objects and storage underneath your bed can represent unconscious blocks in your love live. The energy of anything under your bed truly affects you in a great way, especially because we spend many passive “yin” hours sleeping in bed. If you must have some storage there, stick to sleep related items such as pillows, blankets and linens. Absolutely no photos of ex-lovers or anything sharp or dangerous.

5. In case you need more passion

Hey, we can all probably use a little more passion in our lives right? Maybe for Valentine’s Day it’s time to treat yourself to a racy little lingerie set… in RED! Red is the color passion and fire. Get yourself some sexy red underwear and see how it makes you feel. I promise it will make a difference. You can also get yourself some red sheets to heat things up in bed!

by Anjie Cho


How To Feng Shui Your Beauty Routine To Bring Love Into Your Life

featured this week on MindBodyGreen

  image credit: Stocksy via  MindBodyGreen

image credit: Stocksy via MindBodyGreen

Your face offers valuable information in feng shui. You can glean information about health, personality, and influence others with just your face. Here are some feng shui tips to welcome love with a few tweaks to your beauty routine.

Hydrate with rosewater.

Rosewater is soothing and hydrating for the skin and excellent to spritz on your face, neck, and body before, during, and after any beauty regime. Roses represent love and sweetness—the fragrance of flowers (especially roses) can lift your energy and is said to attract love. On a physical level, rose has a profound tonic action on the heart, activating sluggish blood circulation, relieving cardiac congestion, and toning the capillaries. That's literally why we get a flutter from it.

Apply makeup symmetrically, in pairs.

Humans are attracted to bilaterally symmetrical faces—this symmetry in our faces connotes health and vibrancy and resonates with beauty. When applying makeup be sure to keep both sides as even and symmetrical as possible, and apply everything in pairs. The number two (a pair!) also represents love and partnership in feng shui.

...read full article

by Anjie Cho


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Q&A Sunday: Artwork in Pairs

I have purchased the Venus mandala, and I want to hang it my bedroom, but just ran across a post on decorating a couple’s room, and it says to hang artwork in pairs. Do I need to get another mandala, or is this ok, since it symbolizes relationships?

Shayna G., New York, NY

Hi Shayna,

Thanks for your question! I’m so glad you got the Venus mandala. I really love that one. The Venus yantra was the first yantra I ever created; it’s so delicate and pretty. And yes, the Venus mandala relates to romance and emotions, which would be a wonderful addition to your bedroom.

Now onto your question! It is ideal to have things in pairs in the bedroom, such as pairs of pillows, or two nightstands, but it’s not a strict rule. For instance, it makes a lot of sense to have a pair of pillows and two nightstands because there’s something for you and something for your partner. But for instance, artwork of a single woman may not be the best thing for a woman who’s lonely and looking for a partner. In one case, I visited the home of a woman with several images of singular things. It was very obvious. But it’s perfectly okay to have things not in pairs, such as your Venus mandala, especially because the purpose of that mandala is to support your relationship. In fact, I have that first yantra I ever painted hanging in my bedroom, and it’s not in a pair. 

Most principles in feng shui are highly personal, and this one is no different. If there is a beautiful piece of art that you want for your bedroom and really love it, it's most likely acceptable. In this case especially, as the art represents relationships. If you find that the artwork in your room is singular and much of it has to do with being alone or isolated, then you may want to take a look at what that reflects for your life. 

by Anjie Cho


Thanks for reading our "Q&A Sunday".  We will be answering questions submitted by our readers. Click here to submit any Feng Shui or Green Design questions!