Q&A Sunday: Self-Sabotaging Love

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I'm not sure if there is a way to answer this question with feng shui, but it's worth a try! I am a single woman hoping to find lasting romance. I've done most of the suggested feng shui adjustments to welcome love into my life, and I find that I have no problem finding interested men, but I seem to self-sabotage with my anxiety. For the past year, I've noticed a pattern of becoming paranoid and distrustful of men I'm involved with, and that almost always leads to me pushing them away or running them off. Is there a feng shui adjustment that can help with this?

April S., Philadelphia, PA

Hi April,

Thank you for your question. I think there are probably a lot of people who feel the same way you do, so I’m glad you asked the question. It does sound like you have a good idea of what your personal issues are, that they revolve around anxiety and trust. This is definitely the toughest thing when it comes to love — being vulnerable. 

When clients approach me about love and relationships, I ask a series of questions that can best help me to determine what feng shui adjustments would be the most appropriate. You already answered some of these. Are you meeting people? Yes. Are you meeting people that you’re interested in and that are interested in you? Sounds like a yes. But is it really? It is also possible that you have not met anyone who is worthy of your trust as well. That you are simply not meeting the right people. But from your words, it sounds like the main issue is that you fear being vulnerable. 

The Career/Path in Life area of the feng shui bagua map is related to fear and water. There is a fear of opening your heart and being hurt. But if we never risk anything and stay safe, then there is no chance for love. Also, there’s also the importance of seeing the situation clearly, rather than what our conditioning colors. The first thing that comes to mind for clarity is for you to clean your windows. The windows symbolize your eyes. If you can’t see the reality of the situation, it’s easy to remain closed off, and you may miss opportunities. Once you can see things as they truly are, then you can trust your experience and know what to accept and what to reject. And then there is less fear.

The second part is related to Knowledge and Self-Cultivation. There is more you can do there. Work on the anxiety and trust issues. Where do they come from, and are they still useful? Feng shui is by no means a substitution for good mental health. So take care of yourself and ask for help. I used to also have a lot of anxiety, and meditation has really helped me. I also have mentors, teachers and community all around me to support me on this path. A simple exercise of writing an affirmation 27 times each day for 27 days while sitting in the center of your bed can activate the Health area, which impacts the entire bagua on your bed. I’m thinking something along the lines of “I am ready to open my heart and be vulnerable.” You can take the affirmations from each page, tuck them into a sealed red envelope and place them in the Relationship area of your bed (top right), under the mattress. 

Thank you for being willing to share and asking for insight on this. Remember that the mundane is just as important as the metaphysical, so please take care of yourself and take time for wellness. When you work with this and the suggested adjustments, you may find your heart opening to new experiences and opportunities.

by Anjie Cho


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